Did you break up with someone but find that the relationship still seems to go back and forth ? Is this a cycle? If so, it’s important to look at the factors that contribute to this alternation of closeness and being pulled apart. When you break up , is it the same type of arguments that create the rift? Are they about jealousy, finances, kid issues, committment, introversion vs extroversion or communication? Do you find that you fight about everything and nothing specific is the cause for the repeated break ups?

Study your past relationships . Did they also have this back and forth pattern? What causes this? Do you go back and forth in other areas of your life as well such as commitment to a job, friend choices or being capricious in your weekend plans?

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When Opposites Attract

When working with magnets you will quickly learn that polar opposites attract. This means that the negatively charged pole will be attracted to the positively charged pole and the two will connect together with very little user effort. The same rule applies in chemistry. Negatively charged particles will be attracted to positively charged particles. Why? Because the negatively charged particles have something that the positively charged particles want.

The same is true of people. Sometimes people who are very similar join together and live a happy existence; they enjoy the same music, have the same values and do the same activities on Friday nights. They have the same group of friends and attend the same church every Sunday morning.

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It hurts if you felt a connection with your date but you didn’t get a call back from him or her. It is easy to take this as a rejection and feel a bit down and discouraged. Our confidence is hit hard and feelings of insecurity surface. What is painful is partly the thought that the feelings were the same towards you.

It is important to review your own good qualities and not take the person’s disappearance as a statement about you. People have different tastes, attractions and goals. Some people consistently look for a certain archetypal dream person and match everyone they meet to their inner image. Spend time with friends, rebuild your ego and get back into the game. Don’t judge your own self based on someone’s projections or personal preferences.

On the other hand,if you’ve gotten feedback from several people on certain qualities such as your being too jealous or being very self-centered, then it is useful to reflect on those comments. 

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Choosing a Mate

In the wilds the process of choosing a mate is determined entirely by their physical properties; their strength, their courage and their ability to hunt and provide for their family. These principles still apply in many cases throughout the human world; however, since our minds are much more developed than those of our animal brethren there are other factors that should be considered.

The practice of choosing a mate based on their ability to provide for a family is an important one, and while that ability in the human world is not judged by their ability to go out and hunt wild game it is judged on their ability to meet their responsibilities. The amount of responsibility that you are looking for in a mate should be determined by your expectations for your future. If you are attempting to retire at a young age you are going to want a mate who is willing to help you work and sacrifice for that goal.

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Do you dread the family reunions, visiting your parents or talking to friends due to that stinging question, “Why are you still single”? Is it hard to receive wedding invitations or hear about successful relationships due to envy?

One of the Seinfeld episodes involved a humorous scene between Elaine and a Rabbi where Elaine discussed her strong jealousy over George’s engagement. The Rabbi asked her, “Doesn’t it give you any joy to see your friend enter into this holiest of unions?” Elaine replied, “No , no it doesn’t. No joy, no joy whatsoever.”

Your friends and family will pick up your own attitude. If you are secure about being single, then your friends and relatives will notice that. On the other hand, if you have lots of self-doubts they may exploit the weakness inside of you. People can detect one’s own comfort level and discomfort zone and are very astute about one’s weak areas. This is particularly true about our families since they are artists at finding our achille’s heels.

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How to Compete with the Alpha Male

Throughout nature the female of the species is attracted to the alpha male in the hope that she will be able to bear his offspring-offspring that have the best chance of survival in the cruel world they are going to be brought up in. These females are not looking for a meaningful, long term relationship; a quick interlude, then the privilege of gestation. A fortunate fact, since the alpha male often has a harem and while he protects all of them he does not give any of them his undivided attention.

All of these philosophies hold true to the human alpha male as well. While he is fiercely loyal to the people he defends and will go out of his way not to hurt them neither will he be able to give any of them his heart or the promise of a future. The woman that can pin down the alpha male is a rare specimen indeed. In the meantime, there are many other fish in the sea who are looking for something more than the alpha male has to offer, and it is this population that holds the key to defeating the alpha male’s hold on the female of their choice.

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Have you thought about asking someone out who has been a very good friend for a few years or longer? This can bring up anxiety for both parties because if one person prefers the bond to remain as a friendship then things can become awkward once the idea of romance is introduced.

If you’ve had a crush on the person for a while, it will probably feel good to voice your true feelings. Be prepared for the possibility that the feelings may not be mutual. Still, regardless of the outcome, it will be a relief to express your heart if every time you are with your friend you feel the tension inside you. It can reach a point where you want to see if it things can progress and develop into a romantic situation.

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In nature the attraction between mates is determined by a philosophy of survival of the fittest. The mate that is chosen is the one that is most likely to breed strong, healthy offspring. In many animal societies the alpha male will be the only male in the pack, and it will be his job to impregnate the females in order for the species to survive.

Many of the male members of the human world look upon this strange situation with a small touch of wistfulness. What would it be like to have your own harem? What they cannot see is that the alpha male has become the alpha male not by birthright but by having proved over and over again that he is strong enough and intelligent enough to lead the pack-and to keep it. When the alpha male is challenged by another male for possession of his pack he must fight to keep it or it will be taken away from him. This is, again, to ensure that the species survives; the one who wins the right to be an alpha male is the one most likely to father strong offspring.

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Sometimes we want to get together with someone for reasons of financial security instead of love. When women like a man
for this reason it’s called a sugar daddy or gold digger. For men the phrase is about seeking a sugar momma. The daddy
part often means it’s an older man and someone in a protective role. While security feels good, it is not the same as love. Security is not the reason to form a committment with someone for life.

Are you dating to be spoiled and pampered by someone? Are material acquisitions, fine dining and luxurious living the main motives you have? If so, what is the reason behind this? Do you dislike work or lack the confidence to get a good paying job? Are you someone who likes a free ride? Remember there is a price to pay for a situation like this.  The sugar momma or daddy may expect romantic favors,will want you to be their “trophy” or assume you won’t be able to be your own person. Thought the enticement of gifts can be nice, there is also a cost.

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The Science of Attraction

Have you ever wondered what it was that attracted a man to a woman, or vice versa? What it is about one specific individual that seems to make them irresistible to the opposite sex? Why, when everyone else is sitting home on a Friday night, they can have three dates with plans for breakfast the next morning? There are a number of different factors to be considered, but let us first take a look at the core of the situation: the science of attraction.

The central component in the selection of a mate lies in the evolutionary need to continue the species. In the wild mates that were weak and unable to stand against the elements would produce weak offspring who might not be able to survive the harsh environment they would be thrust into; that is, of course, assuming they survived to adulthood themselves. The inability of their offspring to survive would lead to the end of the species; therefore, they were rarely chosen by members of the opposite sex for reproductive purposes.

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