Do You Go Back and Forth With Your Ex?
Did you break up with someone but find that the relationship still seems to go back and forth ? Is this a cycle? If so, it’s important to look at the factors that contribute to this alternation of closeness and being pulled apart. When you break up , is it the same type of arguments that create the rift? Are they about jealousy, finances, kid issues, committment, introversion vs extroversion or communication? Do you find that you fight about everything and nothing specific is the cause for the repeated break ups?
Study your past relationships . Did they also have this back and forth pattern? What causes this? Do you go back and forth in other areas of your life as well such as commitment to a job, friend choices or being capricious in your weekend plans?
What draws you back together after your breakup? Is it the physical attraction only? Are there personality factors that match and really connect? If it isn’t just a physical attraction then that shows there is depth to the relationship and it may be something that can be worked out with a third party counselor.
If one or both of you have emotional flare ups and are strong willed, this can make communications difficult and lead to periods of emotional and possibly physical separation that can be chronic in nature. Clarity and insight from a professional is the best way to gain insight and techniques to practice better habits.
There can be something addictive about the back and forth relationship due to the joy and happiness in the reunions . This becomes unhealthy when it is the “highs” that are what’s craved. A good relationship means that one can work through disagreements and conflicts without constant breakups and drama. See if you can get support through counseling to find ways to talk about the areas that cause the tension to break through the patterns that re-occur. This will stop the yoyo effect which becomes draining on both parties. If you can deepen your conversational abilities and problem solving skills there will be a far greater chance for a relationship to succeed.
